When I ask clients how their relationship is with their money, my clients sometimes look at me like I have three heads. Relationship with money? Is money something we can even have a relationship with?
Of course, I understand their confusion. We’re not really taught to examine that, are we? We mostly see money as neutral and external. A thing outside of us that can be spent or saved, managed or ignored, a thing we have more or less of, etc. etc. We don’t often see money as something we engage with, that responds to us, and that develops over time as we grow in relationship with it.
And yet, it’s from precisely that starting point that we can ask important questions that take the conversation up a notch. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where the real work begins.
So let’s talk a bit about your relationship with money.
The best place to start is asking yourself how you see money. Do you love it? Hate it? Feel like there’s never enough? Do you avoid spending time talking or thinking about it? Or do you obsess over every detail? Do you feel confident in your money savvy or ashamed at your lack of skill? Do you let someone else “handle it” or struggle with giving up the reins? Is it the root of all evil or the path to freedom?
How you answer these questions will influence how you engage with the money moving through your life. If you hate it, avoid it, or feel like a dummy when it comes to money, you’ll be less likely to make proactive choices and take productive action when the time comes.
Alternatively, if you love money, enjoy working with it, or feel like a financial bada$$, you’ll be far more likely to make intentional choices, use numbers to guide your strategy, and follow through with necessary financial upkeep.
So again, your relationship to money is where the work starts.
Business owners always say they want to create profits and wealth from their companies, and we certainly help with that. Increase wealth, increase profits, bring peace, security, and expanded abundance.
However… those results don’t just come from good bookkeeping and cool spreadsheets.
If you want peace, ease, and security around money, you may also need to shift the conversation happening in your head about money from shame to confidence, lack to gratitude, limitation to possibility.
How do you take your relationship with money to the next level? Here are a few things you can do to engage more productively in this all-important part of our lives:
Pay attention to it. Spend 15-30 minutes every week looking at your money. Not sure what to look at? Click here to download our resource on Money Dates!
Cultivate gratitude. Make it a habit to say a quick prayer of thanks every time you pull out your wallet, swipe your card, or write a check.
Change your language. Reframe negative or critical statements to more empowering ones (e.g. “I suck at managing money!” becomes “I’m excited to understand this better so it stops feeling so hard!”
Question judgmental beliefs. If you have beliefs about money (or people with money) being bad or evil, it’s time to take a closer look. Examine why you believe it. Was it learned? Was there a specific event that formed it? Where is it not true? Actively seek examples that contradict those negative beliefs, such as wealthy people doing generous things that make the world better.
Look for inspiration. Find people and examples that inspire you to relate to money in a positive way. Maybe you know someone who is super easy-going about finances, or who is confident and knowledgeable. Maybe you love seeing people give back. Do what you can to bring more of that energy into your orbit (e.g. follow more like them on social media, pin inspiring articles on your wall, set up a coffee date with someone you admire, etc.).
Learn something. Confidence grows with skill, so apply yourself to learning something new and useful to your money world. It doesn’t have to be huge, and you don’t have to be an expert! Starting where you are, pick an area you want to uplevel and dedicate time each week to studying/practicing until you feel confident in your new skill.
If you know your relationship with money is on the rocks, remember: You can make huge progress by just doing 1-2 of the ideas above, so don’t rush through doing all of them at once. Focus your efforts and be thorough. Journal about it. Talk with people you trust. It may take time to learn what’s been holding you back, so make a commitment to take action and choose actions you can take consistently.
Where ever you are on your journey, remember to stay curious. Like every relationship, this one will change with you over time. It’s never “done.” When you notice yourself feeling stuck, scarce, overwhelmed, or avoidant, ask yourself what thoughts or beliefs are coming up, and address them.
Finally, if you’re looking for a business advisor who understands the human side of money management, we’d love to help. Click here to schedule a free strategy session, and we promise to help you find new actions and ways to relate with your money.
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